Subject: Your profile sparked a question...
Hi,
I was wondering if you are a brat because you kinda look like you are.
Jason
Yes Jason, follow the yellow brick road of insults to my heart.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Long Island DJ...
hi..
I saw your ad, was very impressed. Not only with the way you look, but also what you had to say...
After looking over your profile, I noticed a few things, and felt I should point them out.
1. I live in Ny as well, LI to be exact :)
2. Im in the entertainment business, and I have a feeling that you might be intrigued by that..
3. heres the info on me... I happen to be a nice, respectable, definitely funny and witty guy, and Im tired of the games women play. (no its not just us guys that do it) lol..
So, why did I contact you? Your the perfect height for me, Your the right age Im looking for, your mad cute, and you seem to have your life together...
Heres what I suggest... Talk to me, get to know me, Ill do the same for you..and well see if the man of your dreams may possibly be waiting...
Gary
Oh really....oh lord!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
If you ordered fried banana would you share it with me?
I haven't really been online lately to check any messages, but received this today from monkeyman100300:
"If I could say anything to you I will say this :)............. Your words are positive your eyes are dazzeling and your smile is something I have instantly fallen in love with. To think I accidentaly fallen onto your profile is a fall I would gladly take over and over. My name is Justin.... I would love to get to know you from the little things to the ones that moves you. I would like to leave you with two questions very simple ones dont worry lol. What is your favorite color? And. If you ordered fried banana would you share it with me with out thinking twice about it? Oh yeah it also has vanilla ice cream ;)"
Ok, so it started off kind of normal and nice. It's definitely refreshing to read that someone thinks you have a great smile. Call me the grammar police but the words spelled incorrectly were kind of ridic...but that isn't the main thing that bothered me, what bothered me was the fried banana bit. Ok, ok I have a sick sense of humor and my mind immediately goes to places it shouldn't from the simplest things people say or write to me, but umm (1) Who orders fried banana? (2) what's the deal with adding vanilla ice cream? ...is this supposed to be a wierd phallic fantasy of this guy, watching girls eat fried bananas with vanilla ice cream? What if I like chocolate ice cream? hahahaha
"If I could say anything to you I will say this :)............. Your words are positive your eyes are dazzeling and your smile is something I have instantly fallen in love with. To think I accidentaly fallen onto your profile is a fall I would gladly take over and over. My name is Justin.... I would love to get to know you from the little things to the ones that moves you. I would like to leave you with two questions very simple ones dont worry lol. What is your favorite color? And. If you ordered fried banana would you share it with me with out thinking twice about it? Oh yeah it also has vanilla ice cream ;)"
Ok, so it started off kind of normal and nice. It's definitely refreshing to read that someone thinks you have a great smile. Call me the grammar police but the words spelled incorrectly were kind of ridic...but that isn't the main thing that bothered me, what bothered me was the fried banana bit. Ok, ok I have a sick sense of humor and my mind immediately goes to places it shouldn't from the simplest things people say or write to me, but umm (1) Who orders fried banana? (2) what's the deal with adding vanilla ice cream? ...is this supposed to be a wierd phallic fantasy of this guy, watching girls eat fried bananas with vanilla ice cream? What if I like chocolate ice cream? hahahaha
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
LuvinLife6000
Should I be concerned that this guy has listed me as a favorite, his profile below:
I’m very fortunate in that I don’t have any trouble getting dates on my own, it’s just that I’m looking for someone different; someone special. I have a list, I call it my "MUST" list. It’s the qualities that I’m looking for:
Someone who’s INTELLIGENT (book, street and emotional smarts), someone who’s OUTGOING, OPEN-MINDED, SPONTANEOUS, BOLD and has a great sense of HUMOR; someone who’s SEXY and PLAYFUL; someone with a GREAT SMILE; someone who’s CONFIDENT, PASSIONATE, OUTRAGEOUS, CREATIVE and places a high priority on their HEALTH and being fit; someone who likes ANIMALS and the OUTDOORS, has lots of ENERGY, someone who has LEVELS - who can be 12 or 35 or 85 years old depending on the circumstances, someone who sees the world as a place with UNLIMITED POSSIBILITY, someone with a WILD SIDE tempered with good judgment, someone who I can pitch and catch ideas with, someone who sees the big picture and has a sense of CONTRIBUTION, someone with a big HEART. That's the "MUST" list.
Now comes the “LIKE TO HAVE” list. Someone who likes PIZZA, plays a sport, squeezes the TOOTHPASTE from the bottom of the tube, likes CHOCOLATE, likes chocolate LICKED off their body, likes to LICK chocolate off other people’s bodies (it's ok if you're a caramel person); someone who’s PLAYFUL (I know it’s on my "MUST" list, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in twice). That’s what I’m looking for. Now for a little about me……....see all of the above.....and don't judge my pic too harshly, I look better in person.
Ummmmmmmmm..............
I’m very fortunate in that I don’t have any trouble getting dates on my own, it’s just that I’m looking for someone different; someone special. I have a list, I call it my "MUST" list. It’s the qualities that I’m looking for:
Someone who’s INTELLIGENT (book, street and emotional smarts), someone who’s OUTGOING, OPEN-MINDED, SPONTANEOUS, BOLD and has a great sense of HUMOR; someone who’s SEXY and PLAYFUL; someone with a GREAT SMILE; someone who’s CONFIDENT, PASSIONATE, OUTRAGEOUS, CREATIVE and places a high priority on their HEALTH and being fit; someone who likes ANIMALS and the OUTDOORS, has lots of ENERGY, someone who has LEVELS - who can be 12 or 35 or 85 years old depending on the circumstances, someone who sees the world as a place with UNLIMITED POSSIBILITY, someone with a WILD SIDE tempered with good judgment, someone who I can pitch and catch ideas with, someone who sees the big picture and has a sense of CONTRIBUTION, someone with a big HEART. That's the "MUST" list.
Now comes the “LIKE TO HAVE” list. Someone who likes PIZZA, plays a sport, squeezes the TOOTHPASTE from the bottom of the tube, likes CHOCOLATE, likes chocolate LICKED off their body, likes to LICK chocolate off other people’s bodies (it's ok if you're a caramel person); someone who’s PLAYFUL (I know it’s on my "MUST" list, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in twice). That’s what I’m looking for. Now for a little about me……....see all of the above.....and don't judge my pic too harshly, I look better in person.
Ummmmmmmmm..............
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Special Talents?
Would you find it strange if someone asked you this:
"Do you have any special talents that might surprise me?"
"Do you have any special talents that might surprise me?"
Monday, March 23, 2009
Don't threaten me with a good time...The Crusher!
Submitted by a good friend of mine:
So after a self esteem deteriorating breakup, and a few months of hermitism, I decided to take the dive into Match.com. All those commercials of hot men on beaches just looking for.. well.. ME..Convinced me this was the avenue I needed to be taking. I’m not much of a bar person. I work full time and run a business. So pretty much two jobs leaving very little time for dating.
Anyway, so one person caught my eye. He was local. That’s convenient.“6’1, dark hair, brown eyes”.. only.. he was 40. I was 28.Nonetheless, he had a charm to him. We exchanged a few emails, then progressed to text messaging and then phone calls. We agreed to meetat a local restaurant of which I am pretty tight with the owners. So we meet up, and appearance wise, he is very handsome. Tall. Well-built, a few strands of gray in the front. Definitely a guy that takes care of himself. Was nothing but a gentleman UNTIL the last half hourof dinner.
The conversation progressed like this:
Him: So, I’m having my 40th bday party at 718
Me: That’s great, I’ve been wanting to try that place
Him: I would love it if you came, you can be my date
Me: (pause- think to self.. this is kind of forward..I mean I hardlyknow you .. but whatevs) ok.. maybe I will
Him: You should plan on being out all night
Me: (pause again.. this time a bit longer- Im getting a perv vibe-ok..stop that-maybe he meant because the party is gonna be so awesome)*gulp* ooookay..
Him: If I had you all night, omg..I would.. CRUSH your vagina
Me: (choking on my water and very tightly crossing my legs in horror)-ummm… that’s pretty fucking disgusting and not appealing in any way-where is our CHECK?
Him: Wow, I’m so sorry- I thought you were more chilled out than that-its cute your so uptight
Me: More chill than WHAT? Do you understand what you just said to me? Honestly?
Him: What? There is a total connection with us
Me: I beg to differ. Where is that damn CHECK?
Him: So, can I call you this week?
Me: (putting cash on the table while putting coat on) I don’t thinkthat’s a good idea.
I walked out before I could hear the rest of that convo then went homeand fought the urge to take a scalding hot shower and puke. Thing is,I kept running INTO This dude all the time after this happened. From that day forward, I don’t date local. Moral of this story is, don’t shit where you sleep. And fellas, crush and vagina should not EVER bein the same sentence. Ever.
So after a self esteem deteriorating breakup, and a few months of hermitism, I decided to take the dive into Match.com. All those commercials of hot men on beaches just looking for.. well.. ME..Convinced me this was the avenue I needed to be taking. I’m not much of a bar person. I work full time and run a business. So pretty much two jobs leaving very little time for dating.
Anyway, so one person caught my eye. He was local. That’s convenient.“6’1, dark hair, brown eyes”.. only.. he was 40. I was 28.Nonetheless, he had a charm to him. We exchanged a few emails, then progressed to text messaging and then phone calls. We agreed to meetat a local restaurant of which I am pretty tight with the owners. So we meet up, and appearance wise, he is very handsome. Tall. Well-built, a few strands of gray in the front. Definitely a guy that takes care of himself. Was nothing but a gentleman UNTIL the last half hourof dinner.
The conversation progressed like this:
Him: So, I’m having my 40th bday party at 718
Me: That’s great, I’ve been wanting to try that place
Him: I would love it if you came, you can be my date
Me: (pause- think to self.. this is kind of forward..I mean I hardlyknow you .. but whatevs) ok.. maybe I will
Him: You should plan on being out all night
Me: (pause again.. this time a bit longer- Im getting a perv vibe-ok..stop that-maybe he meant because the party is gonna be so awesome)*gulp* ooookay..
Him: If I had you all night, omg..I would.. CRUSH your vagina
Me: (choking on my water and very tightly crossing my legs in horror)-ummm… that’s pretty fucking disgusting and not appealing in any way-where is our CHECK?
Him: Wow, I’m so sorry- I thought you were more chilled out than that-its cute your so uptight
Me: More chill than WHAT? Do you understand what you just said to me? Honestly?
Him: What? There is a total connection with us
Me: I beg to differ. Where is that damn CHECK?
Him: So, can I call you this week?
Me: (putting cash on the table while putting coat on) I don’t thinkthat’s a good idea.
I walked out before I could hear the rest of that convo then went homeand fought the urge to take a scalding hot shower and puke. Thing is,I kept running INTO This dude all the time after this happened. From that day forward, I don’t date local. Moral of this story is, don’t shit where you sleep. And fellas, crush and vagina should not EVER bein the same sentence. Ever.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Maybe he is interested in my cooking?!?
As anyone can see who follows this blog, I also write a cooking blog (although been somewhat behind on that). I am a huge foodie and often have dinner parties and this is something I mention as an interest (meaning small detail) in my online profile...I received the following message from a guy with a serious uni-brow wearing a denim shirt tucked into high wasted jeans...
"I want to taste your spinach pie"
Ok prince charming let me whip that up for you...seriously?
"I want to taste your spinach pie"
Ok prince charming let me whip that up for you...seriously?
How dare you bring John Cusack into this!!
Ahhh, online potential love. Online shopping for a potential partner in crime. It all starts out so innocent and then, well ...
So, this guy started off promising...all the right ingredients were there. He seemed sweet, smart (a teacher), adorable and an overall down to earth guy. Oh Eharmony, how wrong you were...
Once we passed all of the various stages of insane questions you must answer in order to prove compatibility, I gave music man my aol screen name to talk before meeting. I'm not a fan of the 50,000 emails that are involved in online dating so I didn't see anything wrong with this, not until our "chemistry" caused him to im every day, twice a day and when he couldn't reach me, say things like this:
"you are one tough booger to get a hold of these days...."
Not totally harmful, until you come to find out that we just spoke for the first time the day before and we never met! What exactly does he mean by "these days", that implies there were many days prior that he could reach me.
Prior to this he sent me several texts and late night phone calls, all in a 3 day span of speaking...just random, no messages attached to the calls and late night. We did have a date set up for the following weekend, but at this point his over eager behavior was frankly freaking me the fuck out...so I tried to do the diplomatic thanks, but no thanks by mentioning that distance was an issue (he lives an hour and a half away from me). Below is the verbal duel that ensued:
So, this guy started off promising...all the right ingredients were there. He seemed sweet, smart (a teacher), adorable and an overall down to earth guy. Oh Eharmony, how wrong you were...
Once we passed all of the various stages of insane questions you must answer in order to prove compatibility, I gave music man my aol screen name to talk before meeting. I'm not a fan of the 50,000 emails that are involved in online dating so I didn't see anything wrong with this, not until our "chemistry" caused him to im every day, twice a day and when he couldn't reach me, say things like this:
"you are one tough booger to get a hold of these days...."
Not totally harmful, until you come to find out that we just spoke for the first time the day before and we never met! What exactly does he mean by "these days", that implies there were many days prior that he could reach me.
Prior to this he sent me several texts and late night phone calls, all in a 3 day span of speaking...just random, no messages attached to the calls and late night. We did have a date set up for the following weekend, but at this point his over eager behavior was frankly freaking me the fuck out...so I tried to do the diplomatic thanks, but no thanks by mentioning that distance was an issue (he lives an hour and a half away from me). Below is the verbal duel that ensued:
HIM: i think there is a definite chemistry between us that deserves a little bit of attention, and i would certainly regret not taking advantage of the chance to hang out with you
HIM
ME sorry, I really enjoyed talking to you and it was hard for me to come that decision, but I feel it's the right one
HIM and i thought the museum was such a fun idea
HIM c'mon, it wasnt that hard
ME it was hard, there is a connection there ...but the distance is a killer
HIM i would never consider hanging out with you a waste of time
HIM: i am not built like that, i am more a free spirit
HIM:even it was only once
ME: well I don't know what to say
HIM: i think you should stop being a butt cheek and realize that i am awesome.... and just take it at face value
HIM : well, maybe I have seen too many John Cusak movies....
HIM: i think you should stop being a butt cheek and realize that i am awesome.... and just take it at face value
ME
HIM
ME: I don't know what to say ME: I think you're funny
ME
ME: but I know how I feel about it and my apprehension isn't going to change...sorry
HIM
HIM
HIM
HIM
ME: say what?
HIM: something lovey dovey and silly
ME: How could you be lovey dovey when we haven't even met?
Well, good thing I don't like kool aid...
HIM: lets drink a little bit of the kool aid before we crap in it
Well, good thing I don't like kool aid...
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