Would you find it strange if someone asked you this:
"Do you have any special talents that might surprise me?"
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Don't threaten me with a good time...The Crusher!
Submitted by a good friend of mine:
So after a self esteem deteriorating breakup, and a few months of hermitism, I decided to take the dive into Match.com. All those commercials of hot men on beaches just looking for.. well.. ME..Convinced me this was the avenue I needed to be taking. I’m not much of a bar person. I work full time and run a business. So pretty much two jobs leaving very little time for dating.
Anyway, so one person caught my eye. He was local. That’s convenient.“6’1, dark hair, brown eyes”.. only.. he was 40. I was 28.Nonetheless, he had a charm to him. We exchanged a few emails, then progressed to text messaging and then phone calls. We agreed to meetat a local restaurant of which I am pretty tight with the owners. So we meet up, and appearance wise, he is very handsome. Tall. Well-built, a few strands of gray in the front. Definitely a guy that takes care of himself. Was nothing but a gentleman UNTIL the last half hourof dinner.
The conversation progressed like this:
Him: So, I’m having my 40th bday party at 718
Me: That’s great, I’ve been wanting to try that place
Him: I would love it if you came, you can be my date
Me: (pause- think to self.. this is kind of forward..I mean I hardlyknow you .. but whatevs) ok.. maybe I will
Him: You should plan on being out all night
Me: (pause again.. this time a bit longer- Im getting a perv vibe-ok..stop that-maybe he meant because the party is gonna be so awesome)*gulp* ooookay..
Him: If I had you all night, omg..I would.. CRUSH your vagina
Me: (choking on my water and very tightly crossing my legs in horror)-ummm… that’s pretty fucking disgusting and not appealing in any way-where is our CHECK?
Him: Wow, I’m so sorry- I thought you were more chilled out than that-its cute your so uptight
Me: More chill than WHAT? Do you understand what you just said to me? Honestly?
Him: What? There is a total connection with us
Me: I beg to differ. Where is that damn CHECK?
Him: So, can I call you this week?
Me: (putting cash on the table while putting coat on) I don’t thinkthat’s a good idea.
I walked out before I could hear the rest of that convo then went homeand fought the urge to take a scalding hot shower and puke. Thing is,I kept running INTO This dude all the time after this happened. From that day forward, I don’t date local. Moral of this story is, don’t shit where you sleep. And fellas, crush and vagina should not EVER bein the same sentence. Ever.
So after a self esteem deteriorating breakup, and a few months of hermitism, I decided to take the dive into Match.com. All those commercials of hot men on beaches just looking for.. well.. ME..Convinced me this was the avenue I needed to be taking. I’m not much of a bar person. I work full time and run a business. So pretty much two jobs leaving very little time for dating.
Anyway, so one person caught my eye. He was local. That’s convenient.“6’1, dark hair, brown eyes”.. only.. he was 40. I was 28.Nonetheless, he had a charm to him. We exchanged a few emails, then progressed to text messaging and then phone calls. We agreed to meetat a local restaurant of which I am pretty tight with the owners. So we meet up, and appearance wise, he is very handsome. Tall. Well-built, a few strands of gray in the front. Definitely a guy that takes care of himself. Was nothing but a gentleman UNTIL the last half hourof dinner.
The conversation progressed like this:
Him: So, I’m having my 40th bday party at 718
Me: That’s great, I’ve been wanting to try that place
Him: I would love it if you came, you can be my date
Me: (pause- think to self.. this is kind of forward..I mean I hardlyknow you .. but whatevs) ok.. maybe I will
Him: You should plan on being out all night
Me: (pause again.. this time a bit longer- Im getting a perv vibe-ok..stop that-maybe he meant because the party is gonna be so awesome)*gulp* ooookay..
Him: If I had you all night, omg..I would.. CRUSH your vagina
Me: (choking on my water and very tightly crossing my legs in horror)-ummm… that’s pretty fucking disgusting and not appealing in any way-where is our CHECK?
Him: Wow, I’m so sorry- I thought you were more chilled out than that-its cute your so uptight
Me: More chill than WHAT? Do you understand what you just said to me? Honestly?
Him: What? There is a total connection with us
Me: I beg to differ. Where is that damn CHECK?
Him: So, can I call you this week?
Me: (putting cash on the table while putting coat on) I don’t thinkthat’s a good idea.
I walked out before I could hear the rest of that convo then went homeand fought the urge to take a scalding hot shower and puke. Thing is,I kept running INTO This dude all the time after this happened. From that day forward, I don’t date local. Moral of this story is, don’t shit where you sleep. And fellas, crush and vagina should not EVER bein the same sentence. Ever.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Maybe he is interested in my cooking?!?
As anyone can see who follows this blog, I also write a cooking blog (although been somewhat behind on that). I am a huge foodie and often have dinner parties and this is something I mention as an interest (meaning small detail) in my online profile...I received the following message from a guy with a serious uni-brow wearing a denim shirt tucked into high wasted jeans...
"I want to taste your spinach pie"
Ok prince charming let me whip that up for you...seriously?
"I want to taste your spinach pie"
Ok prince charming let me whip that up for you...seriously?
How dare you bring John Cusack into this!!
Ahhh, online potential love. Online shopping for a potential partner in crime. It all starts out so innocent and then, well ...
So, this guy started off promising...all the right ingredients were there. He seemed sweet, smart (a teacher), adorable and an overall down to earth guy. Oh Eharmony, how wrong you were...
Once we passed all of the various stages of insane questions you must answer in order to prove compatibility, I gave music man my aol screen name to talk before meeting. I'm not a fan of the 50,000 emails that are involved in online dating so I didn't see anything wrong with this, not until our "chemistry" caused him to im every day, twice a day and when he couldn't reach me, say things like this:
"you are one tough booger to get a hold of these days...."
Not totally harmful, until you come to find out that we just spoke for the first time the day before and we never met! What exactly does he mean by "these days", that implies there were many days prior that he could reach me.
Prior to this he sent me several texts and late night phone calls, all in a 3 day span of speaking...just random, no messages attached to the calls and late night. We did have a date set up for the following weekend, but at this point his over eager behavior was frankly freaking me the fuck out...so I tried to do the diplomatic thanks, but no thanks by mentioning that distance was an issue (he lives an hour and a half away from me). Below is the verbal duel that ensued:
So, this guy started off promising...all the right ingredients were there. He seemed sweet, smart (a teacher), adorable and an overall down to earth guy. Oh Eharmony, how wrong you were...
Once we passed all of the various stages of insane questions you must answer in order to prove compatibility, I gave music man my aol screen name to talk before meeting. I'm not a fan of the 50,000 emails that are involved in online dating so I didn't see anything wrong with this, not until our "chemistry" caused him to im every day, twice a day and when he couldn't reach me, say things like this:
"you are one tough booger to get a hold of these days...."
Not totally harmful, until you come to find out that we just spoke for the first time the day before and we never met! What exactly does he mean by "these days", that implies there were many days prior that he could reach me.
Prior to this he sent me several texts and late night phone calls, all in a 3 day span of speaking...just random, no messages attached to the calls and late night. We did have a date set up for the following weekend, but at this point his over eager behavior was frankly freaking me the fuck out...so I tried to do the diplomatic thanks, but no thanks by mentioning that distance was an issue (he lives an hour and a half away from me). Below is the verbal duel that ensued:
HIM: i think there is a definite chemistry between us that deserves a little bit of attention, and i would certainly regret not taking advantage of the chance to hang out with you
HIM
ME sorry, I really enjoyed talking to you and it was hard for me to come that decision, but I feel it's the right one
HIM and i thought the museum was such a fun idea
HIM c'mon, it wasnt that hard
ME it was hard, there is a connection there ...but the distance is a killer
HIM i would never consider hanging out with you a waste of time
HIM: i am not built like that, i am more a free spirit
HIM:even it was only once
ME: well I don't know what to say
HIM: i think you should stop being a butt cheek and realize that i am awesome.... and just take it at face value
HIM : well, maybe I have seen too many John Cusak movies....
HIM: i think you should stop being a butt cheek and realize that i am awesome.... and just take it at face value
ME
HIM
ME: I don't know what to say ME: I think you're funny
ME
ME: but I know how I feel about it and my apprehension isn't going to change...sorry
HIM
HIM
HIM
HIM
ME: say what?
HIM: something lovey dovey and silly
ME: How could you be lovey dovey when we haven't even met?
Well, good thing I don't like kool aid...
HIM: lets drink a little bit of the kool aid before we crap in it
Well, good thing I don't like kool aid...
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