How dare you bring John Cusack into this!!

Ahhh, online potential love. Online shopping for a potential partner in crime. It all starts out so innocent and then, well ...

So, this guy started off promising...all the right ingredients were there. He seemed sweet, smart (a teacher), adorable and an overall down to earth guy. Oh Eharmony, how wrong you were...

Once we passed all of the various stages of insane questions you must answer in order to prove compatibility, I gave music man my aol screen name to talk before meeting. I'm not a fan of the 50,000 emails that are involved in online dating so I didn't see anything wrong with this, not until our "chemistry" caused him to im every day, twice a day and when he couldn't reach me, say things like this:

"you are one tough booger to get a hold of these days...."

Not totally harmful, until you come to find out that we just spoke for the first time the day before and we never met! What exactly does he mean by "these days", that implies there were many days prior that he could reach me.

Prior to this he sent me several texts and late night phone calls, all in a 3 day span of speaking...just random, no messages attached to the calls and late night. We did have a date set up for the following weekend, but at this point his over eager behavior was frankly freaking me the fuck out...so I tried to do the diplomatic thanks, but no thanks by mentioning that distance was an issue (he lives an hour and a half away from me). Below is the verbal duel that ensued:

HIM: i think there is a definite chemistry between us that deserves a little bit of attention, and i would certainly regret not taking advantage of the chance to hang out with you

HIM: well then i guess you said it

ME sorry, I really enjoyed talking to you and it was hard for me to come that decision, but I feel it's the right one

HIM and i thought the museum was such a fun idea

HIM c'mon, it wasnt that hard

ME it was hard, there is a connection there ...but the distance is a killer

HIM i would never consider hanging out with you a waste of time

HIM: i am not built like that, i am more a free spirit

HIM:even it was only once

ME: well I don't know what to say
HIM: i think you should stop being a butt cheek and realize that i am awesome.... and just take it at face value

ME: regardless of what may happen if we met, the distance thing would be a killer ultimately

HIM: well that was a big but... and unlike sir mix a lot- i do NOT like big butts!

ME: I don't know what to say

ME: I think you're funny

ME: and I've enjoyed talking to you

ME: but I know how I feel about it and my apprehension isn't going to change...sorry

HIM: i really should stop begging....i dont want to be pathetic

HIM: and i dont want to scare you by saying this

HIM: BUT

HIM: well, maybe I have seen too many John Cusak movies....

HIM: should i say it?

ME: say what?

HIM: something lovey dovey and silly

ME: How could you be lovey dovey when we haven't even met?

HIM: lets drink a little bit of the kool aid before we crap in it

Well, good thing I don't like kool aid...