Don't threaten me with a good time...The Crusher!

Submitted by a good friend of mine:

So after a self esteem deteriorating breakup, and a few months of hermitism, I decided to take the dive into Match.com. All those commercials of hot men on beaches just looking for.. well.. ME..Convinced me this was the avenue I needed to be taking. I’m not much of a bar person. I work full time and run a business. So pretty much two jobs leaving very little time for dating.
Anyway, so one person caught my eye. He was local. That’s convenient.“6’1, dark hair, brown eyes”.. only.. he was 40. I was 28.Nonetheless, he had a charm to him. We exchanged a few emails, then progressed to text messaging and then phone calls. We agreed to meetat a local restaurant of which I am pretty tight with the owners. So we meet up, and appearance wise, he is very handsome. Tall. Well-built, a few strands of gray in the front. Definitely a guy that takes care of himself. Was nothing but a gentleman UNTIL the last half hourof dinner.

The conversation progressed like this:

Him: So, I’m having my 40th bday party at 718
Me: That’s great, I’ve been wanting to try that place
Him: I would love it if you came, you can be my date
Me: (pause- think to self.. this is kind of forward..I mean I hardlyknow you .. but whatevs) ok.. maybe I will
Him: You should plan on being out all night
Me: (pause again.. this time a bit longer- Im getting a perv vibe-ok..stop that-maybe he meant because the party is gonna be so awesome)*gulp* ooookay..
Him: If I had you all night, omg..I would.. CRUSH your vagina
Me: (choking on my water and very tightly crossing my legs in horror)-ummm… that’s pretty fucking disgusting and not appealing in any way-where is our CHECK?
Him: Wow, I’m so sorry- I thought you were more chilled out than that-its cute your so uptight
Me: More chill than WHAT? Do you understand what you just said to me? Honestly?
Him: What? There is a total connection with us
Me: I beg to differ. Where is that damn CHECK?
Him: So, can I call you this week?
Me: (putting cash on the table while putting coat on) I don’t thinkthat’s a good idea.

I walked out before I could hear the rest of that convo then went homeand fought the urge to take a scalding hot shower and puke. Thing is,I kept running INTO This dude all the time after this happened. From that day forward, I don’t date local. Moral of this story is, don’t shit where you sleep. And fellas, crush and vagina should not EVER bein the same sentence. Ever.